Steph is Hilarious

*you need to go soak that! You got some hunchback feet over there.

*I met scooby-doo at universal studios last summer, but i don't think that he would remember me. Then i'd be sad.....

*you LIKE him. And you are going to get married. and have BABIES. (lots of pointing and evil like laugh)

*you know its sad when the bottle of windex is smeared. what is that saying about the product inside
(at 2:17 am)

*who wants to skip class with me in the morning?
me: i have a test
*you suck!

(as if it is good to have a test)

with cupcake wrapper on her head:
*what if i wore this on my head like a jewish person? Would you still be my friend?
me: OF COURSE!!!!
*would you tell everyone i was PRETTY?

*When in the bayou* Never feed the alligators because they will bite your line (fishing line that is) and drag you off with them.

* i like them when you have to cut the mold of them to eat them

Me: if i won a million dollars, i would drop out of school, and buy a house off of Monroe St in Madison
Steph: If i won a million dollars, i would drop out of school and buy a husband.

*do i usually eat lunch????

anders IMing me: Heather heather heather
me, outloud: ANDERS! :)
steph: I like anders. cause i havea friend named andy, and anders sounds like andy.

Me: OH man. Im not dressed up enough to wear the earrings to day
Steph: Where them anyway. Make a point.
Me: Wow. Thats the good liberal girl I know and love.
Steph: Oh, i wouldnt wear them, but you should....

*this is how me and bobby broke up.....anna laura and i were playing boy catchers.....and i had to win.....and i saw bobby the LOVE OF MY LIFE....and i couldnt get my point across, kind of like now.....and he didn't want to come......and i got really mad, and punched him: IN HIS EYE. Like, hard!.....and that was the end of me and bobby.

*my preschool boyfriend's parents own the piggly wiggly....he gave me a party hat. thats HUGE when you're in preschool

*you know how confused i get now? well imagine me as a child. i was like ALWAYS confused. You should see me in the pictures. i dont know where i am and i dont know who is taking the pictures.....

*and my mom said "stephanie, thats not your sweater. your name is in your sweater." and i was so embarassed in front of everyone including Erin....she could have lied and pretended it was my sweater......

* God was like "BOOYAH!!!!"

(this may or may not be my all time favorite of the steph quotes so far. :) Booyah, Grandma...arf arf!!!)

me: i always thought i was really glad i didnt have a roomate, but im really happy im living with you. i mean, we are becoming pretty close, and we are just going to get closer and then someday i wont be able to live with out you and then you are going to have to move to wisconsin with me, because i am NOT living down here all my life
steph: man! then im going to have to marry a liberal!!!! although, liberal does have a MUCH prettier definition in the dictionary, so i think im just going to start TELLING people im a liberal.

(FINALLY :) )

*im not marrying a doctor. dont marry a doctor. first of all, you have to support them through med school...and then, they cheat on you with one of those Nurses.....

corrine: they didnt want to be in a fishbowl
steph:i would be in a fishbowl to touch oprah

*that jewish girl can draw!!!!!!!!!

*shes a liberl feminist sarcastic and MEAN
me: what?
steph: since she is sarcastic she is mean
me: so now sarcasim is mean...where am i?
steph: yes. mean.

Me: He got so much hotter as he got older
Steph: I know....I want to jump into the tv and make out with him

*its like Josie and the pussycats. Josie can not be a pussy cat. she is the josie. you can not be a bbc. you are heather and the bbc.

* i get to be CORRINE ....SHE IS MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!! (v. excited about this development.)

*Its the southern conservative version of the BBC....Im corrine, Mindy is brenda, and heather sibly is Bridget.......HOORAY!

*heather....if you move my stuff out of that room, i will not only stop talking to you...I WILL BEAT YOU UP!!!!!

*I brought you PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!! (in high pitched squeaky voice)

*i think not only should we talk like a pirate, but we should limp like we have a peg leg.

Me: its nation talk like a pirate day
StePH: AHOY ASHLIE!!!

Steph: im about to go home, ei ei mateie?

Me: I going to watch heathARRRRRRRRRRRR at the soccARRRRRRRRR game
Steph: if they push heather down im going to MAKE THEM WATCH THE PLANK!!!!

Steph: tonight im going to watch a movie that is rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*did you just whipe "pimp juice" on me?

*i am the poster child for why Louisiana needs more money for the public education system

*stop prostitutin' your nah nah's!

Setting: study room....studying for civ and ash and i finally realize that steph not only doesnt know the states, but not even the continents.....she is being SERIOUS with all of her answers. don't you think we need to send some money to the Louisiana Education systems???? Honestly.

Me: how many continents are there?
Steph: five?
*shaking of heads
Steph: seven?
Ashlie: what are they?
Steph: africa.......asia.....india.....
Ashlie: india is a country, steph.
Steph: Whats the difference?
LAUGHTER by the foreigners
Steph: ok.....Europe.......North America.....South America....ummm.....China
Ashlie: Steph, China is IN Asia
Steph: Asia Minor?
Ash and me: NO!!!!!!!
Steph: Japan????
Ashlie: Steph......you know how you refer to people of chinese, and japanese background as "asian" well its because those countries are IN asia.....
Steph: oh....ummm...ok....i guess,.....England?
Ashlie: NO! thats another country. Its covered in ice....
Steph: ICE LAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (big smile on face as she thinks she is right)
Me: NO. IceLand, A) is a country and B) isnt even covered in ice. Greenland is icy and Ice Land is green.
Ash and Me: HAVENT YOU EVER SEEN MIGHTY DUCKS?!?!?!?!?
Steph: Now that is just stupid! They need to change names. If I was president of the world, i would make them.......
Me:ok....no people live there...
Ash:its cold
Me: maybe some penguins....
Steph: Ant...artica?
Ashlie: ok.....think of Heath Ledger
Steph:Rome?
Ash: no. Rome is a city
Steph: when in rome do as the romans.
Ash: rome is in italy.
Steph: so, italy?????
Ash: NO!
Me: Italy is a country.
Steph: So what you are telling me is that there are continents.....with countries....with states.....with cities....like Rome.
Ash: not all countries have states. Just basically the United STATES of America
Steph: but Hawaii and Alaska aren't United.
Me:steph, do you need another clue????
Steph Nods.
Me: Good Day Mate
Steph: AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: now...if we gave you a map, could you identify which one is which?
Steph: well....antartica would be the white one.
Ash: oh dear. Why do you think florida is purple on the state map? its not ACTUALLY purple.
Steph: well they had a poll, and asked all the florida people and they voted for which color they wanted florida to be, and everyone said "I LOVE PURPLE"

(for the record. we all know florida people do not actually know HOW to vote so therefore there must have been a mistake (no offense shell) )

*I would MARRY spongebob or patrick. They just rock.

Steph:my tops is 22,000
Me: TWENTY TWO THOUSAND?!?!?!!?
Steph: Oh...twenty two hundred....i got confused with all those zeros.....

*you are missing out on so much by being smart. If you were just dumb like me, you would have so much more joy

*usually i use an 8 pounder but this one was a little heavier so i think that had somtehing to do with the momentum....

*i broke danced on the floor

*and i talk all the time, its not like its something new for me.

*i hate how i talk! I dont think i would really be funny if i talked ina normal voice!

*its hotter than a goats butt in a pepper patch in here and i just CANT TAKE IT!

to her parents on the phone: and i only could tell you where 22 states were on the map. and thats less than half!
to me: Dad said its pretty good!!!!!!!!

*my voice gives me a headache. How do ya'll listen to me all the time?

*Im starting to realize why i dont have a boyfriend

*can you get plastic surgery on your voice?

*im not very good at prending i like people. Especially ugly boys

*i try to pretend Im a nice person...but its just really hard sometimes!

*Now listen here ugly boy!

steph: bill gates is NOT good looking!
stephs mom: he's got money e looks D@#$ good to me!

Ashlie: HEY NOW!!!!
Steph: your a rock star. get the show on....

Steph: im telling. and not just virga. im telling the dean!
ME: OHHHHHHHHH. what is the dean going to do? send me back to wisconsin?!??!!?!? OH please....no ms. dean please dont send me back to wisconsin! anything but that.
Steph: well im telling you mama...
ME: OH....she will laugh....at you!
Steph: well im telling someone else. GEORGE BUSH! And he will BOMB YOU!!!! and i will laugh

*shut up or i will eat your hair too!

Situation:
i have locked steph out of our room roughly 7 minutes ago, suddenly i hear a lot of pounding. Heather is at our room door. And steph is in the bathroom. I let heather in, being the good suitemate i am, and realize, steph is locked in the bathroom....
*LET ME OUT!!!!! IM TELLING. VIRGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im tired. Let me out......
Suddenly Virga appears at the door. Silence over the crowd.....
*VIRGA....HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Virga opens the door, and looks in a state of shock as she hears the accusations flung across the room...
STEPH pointing: THEY LOCKED ME IN THE BATHROOM
Heather: SHE ATE MY HAIR
STEPH: IM TIRED!
Heather: SHE LAYED ON TOP OF ME when I was trying to SLEEP!
Steph and heather start hitting each other...ON MY BED
Me: NO NO> THIS IS MY BED> THIS IS MY SIDE OF THE ROOM! THIS IS A NO VIOLENCE ROOM YOU CONSERVATIVES GO ELSEWHERE TO FIGHT (please note this NEVER works)
Steph picks up my brush and chucks it at heather, it hits my computer, suddenly, rolls of paper towels are flying.....then steph picks up my sleep-soothing-mask....it is once again chucked at heather. I AM ACTUALLY YELLING and i throw a #fit# and i refuse to speak to steph, cause clearly it is all her fault.....Lame Republican......

*haha how does it feel? My pig hates you!

*i would pee pee on myself if i was hit by something oprah touched.

as we are watching saved by the bell and slayter is being a ballerina.....
*if i had a boyfriend who did that i would laugh so hard............PAUSE.......and then i would love him.

*i was watching two vultures mating earlier. they were getting it ON! he was throwing his head all around. I can't find the channel. i wonder what is mating now. Its like animal porn.

tj: well maybe he thinks your sexy
steph: well thats a common problem everyone has...

me: why are none of these people wearing black?
steph: maybe its a liberal funeral

*I would have pee-ped on myself if oprah would have called

*i am a princess everyday, why would i dress as one on halloween????

ashlie and i are trying to teach steph where the states are....
*THATS LOUISIANA!?!?!?! i always thought that louisiana was on the OTHER side of Texas....Why does it take SO LONG to get to florida???

ashlie: when did you get tested on this?
steph: tested????? (v. confused look on face)

*when you're this dumb you have to make fun of yourself.

Heather: what state is it steph?
steph: *looks v. confused
Ashlie: it starts with a D
steph: detroit?!?!?!
ashlie and heather: NO!!! *laughter
steph: we dont have a state that starts with a D
ashlie: DELAWARE DING DONG

*I dont even know WHERE arizona is. All i know is there is no arizona if you ask carolyn dawn johnson.

*there is too many anns...theres simons girlfriend anna, joe's little annie, and joes sister, who HAPPENS to be dating justin, ann....you really need to be more more creative with the names in the liberal states

While flipping on and off her lamp:
me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!
steph: Im making it a disco!

Me: Why are you up? You are never up this late. One night I try to sleep at 11, and you are clearly keeping me up past 2....
steph:They gave me coffee. It was the first time I have ever had coffee.
me: WHO gave you coffee.
steph: ashlie and heather.
me:death be.

*no, but thank you for thinking i'm stupid.

*take off your shirt. have a beer.

at 1:30 in the morning when i have been desperately trying to sleep since 11:00.....
*Heather....I want to snuggle with you. pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseee.

Auto response from LuckyShugar: I h8 stephanie.
Auto response from poseyprincess03: i LOVE heather.

*I REALLY NEED TO SHAVE....right now i can braid my leg hair.

Setting: Dinner table: Myself, Heather, Ashlie, Kara, Steph, Mindy, Meganne, Jeff, Lynn, and two girls i do not know, and Jeff doesnt know their names (i asked.)
Michael is sitting at a table next to us....

Michael: Jeff....you are sitting at a table with ALL women...what's your secret.
Steph, under her breath to all of us at the table: Ill tell you....be my boyfriend, then you can sit here with all these women.

*i should be president. white house, smite house...it should be the PINK HOUSE

steph started a page about me: http://heatherstories.blogspot.com/

*Its ok...(as she turns onto a one way going the wrong direction)....i drive the wrong way on one ways ALL THE TIME!

*we are back in the ghetto. Look there is that church! Look...there are those...NO DONT LOOK! THEY LOOK TOUGH. They dont like it when you come driving in here. Keep your eyes straight!!!!!!!! (to the people on the street) It's ok....she's a liberal. we are not going to hurt you. She believes in racial equality.

on the phone with her parents...we can only hear what SHE is saying....
*but i want to come home, can you come get me. (whining) i want to drop out of school. i hate school. (even more whining) please. ill just pack up all my stuff in boxes. (sudden confusion) You will? (extremely hopefulness and slight shock) you wont be mad for wasting all that money? Really? Will you leave now? when are you coming? (MASS DISPAIR!) YOU LIED TO ME!!!!!!!

*well not you...you have liberal parents, they always talk to you like you are normal.

me: are there any beverages i can take my pills with....
steph: there is an orange....is that what you said?

*it looks like snow out here
me: where?
steph:on our garden....come look
Me: steph....when was the last time you saw snow. that in no way looks like snow.
steph:ummm....new years 2001...
me: what were you doing in wisconsin????

setting: Im giving steph advice about how to stay in touch with this one boy...
me: so just call him and be like, "so we are playing you guys in football, or something, and i thought maybe you would want to go with us....and then maybe we can catch dinner...and then maybe you can show me around campus...and then maybe we can start dating...
steph: and then maybe you can PROPOSE and i can have your babies

*thats my juggular!

*CLOSE YOUR EYES AND HOLD YOURSELF!!!!

*That's my biggest fear. That somebody will set me up for a crime I didn't do and then I'll be somebody's "BIOTCH"

*NO...it really IS a cute boy on the phone for me :)

*what are they doing in there? what is that god awful noise?
heath: its music steph
well are they listening to the same song on repeat? cause it sounds like video game music....

as driving down the street, she slams on her breaks and yells: "This is a road?!?!?!?"

During Catchphrase:

*who is hailey-butts...(halibut)

Meganne:In the MOB...the leader...
Steph: AL CAPPACHINO!!!!

*There is a shoe on my HINEY!!!!

*Im weraing my thursday underwear today. look! they say thursday!

EEWW MINDY! She is making herself a prostitute. PROSTITUTE MINDY!!!!

(while watching a cookie commerical) *I like when they say "buttery"....it makes my mouth water....mmmmm....buttery....(2 minutes pass) Buttery....All good with its warm yellowness. Buttery.

*i would love to be vomitted up by a whale.

*its really funny because people can read the comments and they dont know WHAT im talking about....its like im just talking randomly. (please note: heather and heather (suitemates) both agree she is completely random and we never know whats shes talking about.)

* SOMEONE IS LOOKING OUT THERE WINDOW AT ME! ITS AN RA. THEY ARE ON THE PHONE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*I did like it because they shake their tailfeathers. and i think Jesus likes it when you shake your tailfeathers for him.

*I think Jesus should take pictures of the people who shake their tail freathers and they should get a special crown in heaven......with feathers....you know, to represent the tail feather shakin'.

(as i am setting up the webcam) *I AM IN MY PANTIES! Is that talking to JOE?!?!? CAN JOE SEE ME IN MY PANTIES????!?!?!? IM PUTTING MY PANTS ON!

*im going to start the stephanie sistrunk school for slackers and everyone who's like me will go there.
heath: what are they going to do after they graduate?
*they will be slackers. like me. thats what they come to my school for.

*Had i known that (bob from the bachelorette was the new bachelor), i would have signed up to be on there. I LOVE BOB!!!!!!!!!! (with enthusiasm and arms whaling in the air)

on the phone with me during labor day weekend when i was all alone in the room:
*you're lonely? You can eat some of my puddin. It will make you feel better. Especially the vanilla...